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French's Mustard

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn't really exist.

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac

A man asks his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"

Q: How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
A: Don't know. It's never been tried.

Q: How do you introduce yourself in French?
A: "Don't shoot, I give up!"

Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France?
A: Linoleum blownapart.

Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: Their army.

Q: Why are French streets tree-lined?
A: So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly?
A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003?
A: This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German puppets what to do.

Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q: Why does Nike like the French Army?
A: Because in war time they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

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