Don't Worry! Be Happy!
Site Home:


That D---ed Cat!

Dear Family:

I have got a real problem and his name is Marcel and he is a gray tabby kitten about 5 months old now.

Remember the Disney movie, That Darned Cat? Well, I think of that movie often in relationship to Marcel but I've got a slightly different name for it.

I have written you earlier about how rambunctious Marcel and Satine (my petite black shorthair female) have become now that they are five months old. I have seen them nearly kill each other over a broken piece of feather. And believe me, there are a lot of those flying around my house since those scallywags ripped my new goose down pillow to shreds.

Anyway, these bad dudes are all over the kitchen countertops these days. The two of them come slinking up ever so cat-like, looking like a spooky and ominous double threat.

This especially happens when I try to prepare a little meal for myself. It is absolutely impossible. They are all over my food like hungry rodents.

The other day I was attempting to make a chicken sandwich. While I was busy shoo'ing and fending Satine away from the mayonnaise and bread, Marcel was making a go for the chicken. And vice versa!

These two animals are getting larger - and hungrier - and more frightening - every day.

On this particular day, as these two scavengers chased around my vulnerably naked lunch, I finally put my foot down - hard.

I ran to the office to get my spray bottle (I am squirting them with water as a teaching device). However, by the time I got back to the kitchen, half my sandwich was gone.

spray bottle

You may ask why I have allowed them to get up on the kitchen countertops in the first place. I would answer you thusly: Because that is where I have to put their kibble and water bowls. If I put the cat food on the floor, Buddy, my cocker spaniel, eats it. And Buddy has become WAY too fat.

Buddy's rotundity is all Mom's fault. Mom has absolutely no capacity whatsoever to deny anything to my adorable little black cocker spaniel who absolutely worships her.

When Mom spends the night, the pattern - the conspiracy! - is that the two of them wake up way earlier in the morning than I do and hang out in the kitchen engaging in a food fest with Buddy begging Mom and Mom giving him anything she can locate that looks like animal food (given the current state of my refrigerator, sometimes it's hard to tell the difference).

On vet's orders, I am trying really hard to help Buddy lose weight. This is not an easy task when you have a liquid brown-eyed little guy who watches you eat your own meals. And because I know my Mom and I know my pooch, and I know all about their naughtiness (and because I still can't wake up earlier than they do), it has now become a necessary part of my bedtime ritual to lug into my bedroom every single item that Mom might feed Buddy in the morning, including all the bags of cat and dog food, every single can of wet food, snacks including dried anchovies, rawhide sticks, Beggin' Strips, etc.

Dragging the entire animal food supply to my bedroom at night and back to the kitchen in the morning is really a pain in the you-know-what and it takes me several trips each way. This chore is entirely necessary, however, when you consider that this summer I saw Mom and Buddy out on my back deck "sharing" one of those ice cream drumsticks. Those two simply cannot be trusted! They are in cahoots! Just like the darned cats!

Back to Marcel, another big problem with him is that HE WILL NOT GET DOWN when I am working on my computer. He plants himself right in front of the monitor. He follows the movement of the cursor - he is spellbound! I simply cannot work like this.

As I work at my computer, my only view is between his two ridiculous ears. Any typo you might ever find in an email to you is not because my typing is degenerating.

At first I was picking Marcel up from my desk and placing him on the floor. When he got a little older and I thought he should have finally learned to STAY DOWN, I started to "grasp" him and drop him lightly on the floor. I don't need to continue on. You can imagine what I am doing now.

Satine picked up on this thoroughly annoying habit just yesterday. She's learning from Marcel. I thought to myself, "Satine, this is Marcel's job. Aren't you on couch destruction duty?"

Anyway, Marcel has caused some financial accounting trouble from his perch. Yesterday, I was entering transactions into Quicken. Of course, Marcel was there, planted three inches from the monitor, watching each entry (probably trying to find out if I spend more money on the dog than I do on the two cats). I was having a lot of difficulty seeing between Marcel's ears and over and around his head.

I got darned fed up and ran to the kitchen to find my spray bottle to "discourage" Marcel YET AGAIN from sitting smack in front of the monitor. When I got back, he had apparently fallen onto the keyboard because my bank account had been reconciled but there was a 2-cent error.

spray bottle

What to do?


P.S. - By the way, Marcel displays all the characteristics of the typical male, to wit (or halfwit, whichever comes last):

The other evening the two kitchies were lying happily together in a little shearling cat bed that has somehow ended up and remained on my dining room table for the last 3 weeks. (I have stopped having dinner parties during these trying times.) Marcel had Satine trapped in a firm headlock (using his strong gray front paws) and he was giving her ear a deep and thorough licking out. I worked in the kitchen for about a half hour and from my peripheral vision, I saw him going at it the whole time. He was very busy and involved in this loving grooming of Satine. When I left the kitchen, Satine seemed to be enjoying Marcel's attention. However, when I came back about 15 minutes later and Marcel was still working on her ear (this is a full 45 minutes now), she was putting up quite a little struggle to wrest herself free from Marcel's headlock and his profound devotion. (It's a wonder Satine didn't have to be hospitalized!)

Guys just don't know when to quit, do they?


Ennui and Marcel

Below, the new kitchies, Marcel (gray male) and Satine (black female) are helping
to heal the wounds from the loss of Ennui, my gorgeous orange tabby.

The below picture clearly illustrates the fact that men really are from Mars
and women could care less,
just go fetch me that dried anchovy that I dropped on the floor, Hon'.

Marcel and Satine

Kitchies being cute as only kitchies can.

Marcel and Satine

Ennui never used the kitchie condo but the new babies love it

Marcel and Satine


Buddy hates cats

Go To Top
Contact Miss Management